Zugenia's Procrastination Salon

Because Dr. Shelia just sent me the link to this commercial, which she claims made her "almost wet herself" when she watched it:

The Tiddy Bear Comfort Strap

If only I'd known a few days earlier, I could have been a Tiddy Bear for Halloween.

The latest in the "Sinister or Satire?" file: bloggers can't figure out if LoveGodsWay.org founder Donnie Davies is a brilliant comedian or a bonafide nutjob. Neither can I. Either way, he has helpfully provided a comprehensive list of bands that will make you gay if you listen to them. If he's right, I myself am gay about a million times over. Huzzah!

(These bands, on the other hand, will not make you gay. Donnie does not specify whether these non-gay-makers have any kind of antidotal effect on the gay-making music—whether, for example, one can counteract the gay effects of Elton John, The Polyphonic Spree, or Kansas with a heavy dosage of Falling Up, Jars of Clay, or (perplexingly) Cyndi Lauper. If anyone out there would care to take one for the team and let us know if these bands actually make one less gay, we'll send you some Le Tigre, Queen, and Judas Priest (???) stat and get you gayed back up in no time.)

Well, the disappointing news is that the link I provided to Mothers Against Noise in a recent post is defunct because, apparently, fraudulent.

The consoling news is that it was a satire of an actual Mothers Against Noise organization, the reality of which is almost as funny as the parody. [See note below.]

Thank Gods Order (as M.A.N. would say) for small consolations on this evening, when I learned that I came this close to landing my dream job against the odds, but not quite close enough.

Edited to add: Thank you, irascignavojo, for further info on the M.A.D. marketing conspiracy. Yes, it turns out when it comes to an actual, cyber-registered clan of God-fearing, noise-hating mothers, there is in fact no there there. It is all a simulacrum of paranoia designed to delight bored and jaded internet junkies such as your Lady hostess and rally interest in a handful of relatively unknown bands. That said, the merchandise is still quite entertaining, and now I can actually buy some without supporting some crazy fringe of culture nazis (though I would be pouring more money into the music industry). Also, some of the featured bands are really quite good, if you're into "a systematic distorition [sic] away from everything that is good and towards our destruction as a people," which, as you know, I am.

I should add that Z, who first alerted me to the M.A.D. phenomenon, very cunningly observed from the start that no group of Mad Mommies would know about half the bands on their list of targets. Several of them are on the same label as Z's own noisy outfit.

Is Mothers Against Noise for real?

Not that it really matters. It's damn funny either way.

I wrote a lot yesterday, so I won't today. But I had to pop in to call attention to the links to thesmokinggun.com that bbart thoughtfully left in the comments to yesterday's post. They take you to complaint letters received by the FCC about such televised abominations as Janet's boob and rampant "GAY programming." The best ones, I think, are in response to an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show that discussed teen sexuality. One angry viewer writes:

"The Oprah show described with graphic detail a sexual term known as 'tossing salad.' It was so offensive that my child's head literally exploded. Please ban free speech so this never happens again."

I'd say something witty here but that speaks for itself. Plus, I'm busy laughing my ass off.

Since I'm currently listening to a mix cd, here's a track listing:
( The Machismo Mix for J )